Why Do I Call My Mind Multitrack?

I never thought I would be thankful for my overactive mind.

As a child, it did nothing but get me into trouble. Laughing when nothing was funny. Fidgeting when the moment was serious. Crawling under the desk during class. I couldn't just ride a bike. I was jockey and announcer every time I hopped on a two-wheeled horse. It didn't matter what I was doing, there was always a second and a third thing going on in my head. A melody in my ear, a future scenario, what my dad thought about what I was doing and if I would get in trouble. I even talked to myself in my head all the time.

I never thought about it as a problem to solve, but it wasn't anything special either. Just a part of everyday life. I thought everyone was cooking with four burners at once and boiling over was a feature. I was vaguely aware that there was some diagnosis of something or the other from my preschool days, but it seemed irrelevant. Everyone struggled in some way, and I was no exception.

Throughout elementary school, I just brute forced my focus in school and talked myself through everything else. I struggled to learn to read for a while and I required a lot of additional tutoring to pick up basic lessons like the concept of multiplication in fifth grade. But right around the end of elementary school, I learned how to harness the pack of howling thoughts that I called my mind.

It all clicked while I was reading a mystery. It wasn't anything special in the writing department nor was it a particularly intriguing test for a young would-be detective. I had it figured out by the first third of the book and I spent the rest of it hoping there would be a double bluff twist in the mix. There wasn't. But as I set the book down and thought up a better ending on the spot, I wondered if I could write my own book.

I am not saying that I became an overnight writer right after that, but something changed in my mind. I needed characters and locations and methods and trivia and math. I needed to learn as much as I could so I could make a better mystery than the ones I was reading. No offense to Boxcar Children, by the way. From that point on, I would evaluate everything through a storyteller's lens.

The way people talked, the way chemicals interacted, the way history effected cities, even the way everyone walked was something worth noting and characterizing, There was a constant and consistent second layer to everything I did. All my restless energy and rushing thoughts had an avenue. It wasn't just another science class. It was discovering out inertia might be the key to sealing a perpetrator's guilt. It wasn't just another story time where someone recounted a boring memory for the thirtieth time. It was discovering the little details and mannerisms that make each iteration just a little more unique and effective. It wasn't just another long drive with my family across states and nations. It was discovering new places and new ways to describe those places. It was all worth my attention.

That general enthusiasm to tackle every moment as if it was crucial for the future allowed me to structure my thoughts and my emotions. The stovetop was no longer boiling over, but instead I had my reliable storytelling pot simmering at all times to hold all my excess energy. Even if there was nothing externally going on, I could go over past facts and see how they might fit into a large story. If some experience had to relevance to my stories, I would just make a new one. I filled dozens of notebooks with ideas in the past and today my phone notes are just as full. Over time. my writing pan couldn't hold everything and I had to organize the music and images always in my head, but those will get their own write-up later.

The multitrack visualization came about later when I got into music production. In a digital audio workstation, each track has its own sound but together they make a beautiful song. I like to think of myself in that same way. My thoughts organized into parallel tracks that make an orchestrated mind.

My main track is my everyday life. Sights, sounds, smells, what is happening around me. That occupies most of my attention at any given moment, but it is not the only thing. I always have a song in my ears so that is the sound track. I have never gone a single hour in my life without my soundtrack. Then I am usually stockpiling information for future stories and books. I often have a specific idea in mind, and I work on it as I go about my day so that I can just write when I get the time to write. That's the writing track. I can be in the middle of pumping gas in my car and humming a Christmas song and suddenly a piece will click in a mystery novel I haven't actively thought of in years.

That's why I call it my multitrack mind.

A little postscript. Mostly because it interests me. I will be mentioning whatever song is running through my head as I write my musings. Unless the song is too embarrassing.

Today's song: Neopolitan Dreams - Lisa Mitchell

The chimes are echoing in my mind nonstop, and I am itching to make some music myself now.